I need Help

So I broke down and joined Weight Watchers.  I have nothing against these weight lose groups, I just never thought I'd join one.  I was so determined to do this all by myself.  But the truth is, I need help.  I'm bigger then I've ever been in my life.  I'm angry, frustrated and disappointed with myself.  I almost feel like giving up.  But I know I can't and I know I can't do this alone.

Zumba!!!

Okay, I've been trying to find a cardio workout that was fun so I wouldn't get bored and quit.  Well, I may have found it.  I tried Zumba today and I loved it.  30 mins flew by, I was sweating, a little out of breath but at all bored, not even a little.  I may have found my cardio fix.  ZUMBA!

Happy Valentine's Day

So I cheated a little today.  Cheese and ice cream, I am craving dairy something fierce.  It doesn't help that it's Valentine's day & I get to talk to my husband over Skype.  But I'm back on track.  I didn't gorge myself or anything drastic, just a small slice of cheese & 3 teaspoons of ice cream.  But I'm not getting too down on myself, usually I would be completely irate with myself, look in the mirror at every inch and roll with absolute disgust.  But I'm learning to be kinder to me, I deserve it.  Wow, that was actually hard to say, harder to write.  I deserve a little kindness!  I'm not entirely sure where the notion came from, this idea that I'm not worthy, I have my suspicions, but that's another blog.  But its there, always, in the back of my head, this voice telling me that I deserve this body I have, that I deserve to be unhappy.  I'm learning not to trust this voice, not to listen to it jeering at me.  Its hard.  It would be easier to just keep on going the way I am.  But this voice LIES.  I do deserve better!  I'm not worthless!  I can be happy!  I will silence this voice someday, for now I'll drown it out by crunching some mini carrots.

4 down...46 to go...

Four pounds in a week and a half.  I'm tentatively optimistic.  Tentative because I've disappointed myself before.  But I must admit, this hasn't been a real struggle so far.  I'm eating enough to fill full, I'm just eating healthier food.  No heavy meats, no processed foods, no junk.  And so far I'm on track.
Now I've got to find a cardio workout routine that will work for me too. I can't keep doing only pilates.  I know pilates is good for me, but I have too much weight to lose, I need a strong cardio plan as well.   I tried just winging it today and got bored and frustrated very quickly.  I'm thinking of trying Zumba.  It looks like a lot of fun and supposedly it burns up the calories.  We'll see if it lives up to the hype.

Portobello Delight

A few years ago, if you told me I would be eating mushrooms, I would have told you never.  If you had told me that I would enjoy it, I would have said you were crazy.  But I took a leap today & reluctantly bought 2 large portobello mushroom.  And I had one grilled mushroom stuffed with veggies for dinner.  And I think I may have found my new favorite food.

First I made a lite sauce, Extra Virgin Olive Oil, Garlic, Onion, Ground Black Pepper & Tumeric.  I removed the stems of the mushrooms & covered them with my olive oil creation.  I placed the mushroom, gill side down, on a preheated and grilled until soft.  Then turned them over and stuffed them with Diced Peppers, Tomatoes, Onion & Chopped Kale.  I sprinkled a little grated Mozzarella cheese,  placed the cover over the pan for a few more minutes, until the cheese melted.

Served with a garden salad. 

I'm no chef.  I've really never been that great in the kitchen at all, but this was delicious. 
I think I'm starting to get the hang of this healthy thing.
I wonder where I'll leap tomorrow?

Day 5

Day 5 of this 3 week Cleanse and all I want is a full solid meal.  Breakfast is the hardest, I'm so hungry in the morning, all I want is a plate of eggs, toast, bacon and a good cup of coffee...none of which I am allowed to have yet.  So it's a Green Machine Smoothie...yummy!
But I'm hanging in.  Who said healthy was easy?

GREEN MACHINE BREAKFAST SMOOTHIE
(Whole Living Magazine)

• Yield Serves 2

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Ingredients

• 6 romaine leaves, chopped
• 4 kale leaves, chopped
• 1/2 cup fresh parsley sprigs
• 1/2 cup chopped pineapple
• 1/2 cup chopped mango
• 1 inch fresh ginger, peeled and chopped

Directions

1. Combine romaine, kale, parsley, pineapple, mango, ginger, and 1 1/2 cups water in a blender and blend until smooth.
   

Power the Machine

I've tried all the diets, blamed myself for my lack of willpower, felt the guilt ever time I gave into a craving. But things are about to change. I've started a cleanse, i'm 4 days in. 3 more days and I'll start adding food back into my life. I've come to the difficult conclusion that my weight is not my biggest problem...I am. Being healthy is not about deprivation, starvation or willpower. It's about me understanding how my body works, what makes it work and making the right decisions for me everyday.